We learn how to interact with your partner from what we watch occur in the households we grow up in between our parents and that heavily impacts how you have a relationship but we don't take a class or a course on how to behave in a relationship, how to be emotionally responsible and communicate. We never even think about it, most people start a form of dating as teenagers and wing it from there.
A healthy relationship has balance between couple time, alone time, family, work, exercise, social engagements and good comunnication.
Ask for what you want No matter how many hints you think you are giving or shade you're throwing, he is not a mind-reader. Trust me, he is not getting it! If you don't ask, you don't get. It's really simple, if you want attention, tell him. If you want to go to a certain restaurant, tell him. If you don't want to see his mate, tell him. If you want a perfume as a gift, tell him. Whatever arises, communicate your honest want and work with his. On the other side to, females love to make assumptions so when you want to know something, don't assume things; ask him. Sunday Sessions
Have a new kind of Sunday session that includes talking and planning the week ahead. Form the routine of asking your partner what they have planned this week and inform them about what you have on. This knowledge allows you to work with each others schedules, find free time to agree the date night, or shuffle plans to accommodate. If one has a boys, girls night or business interstate, it lets the other person know in advance so they can also make their own social plans or book in some pamper time for self care.
SMS vs Verbal chats
Save SMS for information, not communcaition (and the occasional sext). Read it again, use SMS to exchange info and have check ins, not to write essays on feelings/arguments etc. That is communciaiton best delivered verbally.
Stay sexy
I don't mean sexual. Of course randomly do new sexy intimate things but for this stay sexy I mean in general terms. There are some things your partner doesn't need to see or hear, vice versa. So let him know what you want him to keep to himself as they are less then sexy. I'll give some examples, no-one needs to watch their partner on the toilet, i don't care how cute you think it is that you reached that level of comfort, cut finger nails or clean their nose. Let him know what you want them to keep private and ask him about your habits too (I bet he says more pedi's, men have a weird obsession with toes). Everyone will have a different thing!
It is not what you fight about, its how you fight.
Any disagreement is having two opposite views on something.
It is how you fight that matters. General rule do not yell, put him down, try not to swear, don't say things you don't mean and allow him time to respond. I know it is hard not to yell but at least be mindful when you do - use I statements. Say 'I feel' statements and hardly any 'you' statements, which come across as accusations. Learn to walk away and revisit the topic later instead of blowing up. Do not fight with ego, fight with intention to resolve the issue. No one wins in an argument.
Don't fight with pride, work with love.
Break conversation routines
Make an effort to ask open ended questions and change up how you speak. If you ask every day "how was your day", you will get the same answer "good, how was yours". Ummm that is making noise not communicating. This is one of the closest people to you in your life. Surely you can think of more meaningful or interesting things to ask him and tell them about.
Another focal point is to not live in the negative. Allow time to vent and talk and support a negative moment but dont spend the next 3 hours dwelling on it. Show support, listen, dont try and problem solve. Then later on find out what positive parts of the day and shift the mood.
Be lovers first
We can wear different hats such as parents, colleague if you work in same business, friends, lovers, financial caretaker and/or social planner. Now debatable, I know as my friends and I have argued this one before, but no matter what you are lovers first, partners, and act accordingly. I am not saying they are put before other family members, what I am saying is that your relationship dynamic is lovers first and foremost and act towards each other in that capacity as equals. Don't mother him, boss him or around or view your opinion and wants above his. Both of you need to learn your role that works for you and keep love front of mind.
Remember every day to try and serve your partners love language and them yours.
Love is love, this article may use female/male pronouns however the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.
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