Breaking up sucks! It feels like your life is over. I am not being dramatic, its the truth, it really hurts and we freak out.
Why? The obvious reason is because you are super sad and a lot of feelings are involved. The person you love doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and that sucks (maybe) but the underlying one is this; a break up is a huge change, and humans resist change.
Our brains are made for survival. We are born with one instinct, to survive, and it is the strongest one we have. Which means when we are faced with an unexpected change and a change that is out of our control, the result is to freak out, panic, stress and try and get things back to how they were, unchanged. Your brain is meant to do that.
I think this is why the one calling the break up (the dumper) comes off cold and strong to the one being broken up with (the dumpee). The dumper has had time to consider the change, weigh up the options and possible consequences. They had time to get use to the idea and decided to move forward with the change, before delivering the news.
By the time the words are out of their mouth, they have already dealt with a huge part of the mental process of it.
The dumpee may not have seen it coming and suddenly will resist the change automatically, that is the brains natural instinct.
Have you noticed when you get small hints of a break up coming, you take it a little better? You aren't as shocked, you say well he was calling less and we weren't seeing each other as much or other changed behaviours that you noticed. You had experienced in small pieces dealing with the idea of change and expecting it even if you were hoping it wasn't going to happen!
Humans like routine. We are creatures of habits. This is one reason why we really hesitate to break up with someone and it is one reason why we are shattered and feel like we lost our entire world when we get dumped. Of course it hurts for other reasons as it has a domino effect on our lives - the loss of the planned future, the bond, your buddy, feelings, attention, the intimacy and so on. It is a big loss to you, loss of dreams, hopes, future plans, love and importantly a person. A person you love. And how do you deal with a loss? You process the loss by going through the grieving cycle. That's another thing to note you process any loss of a person by break up or death in the same way - grieving. If you feel like you are loosing you mind and freaking out over a break up, its normal and technically speaking the brain is doing what is is designed to do. Which ex-boyfriend haven't planned more from, to marry etc? Not many I bet! You look back and you're OK, keep happy memories along with some crappy ones but you came out the other end and moved on. Once you adapt to the change of a new way of living (new routines) and grieve the loss, your mind and body calms down and stablises. So, completely freaking out and feeling like you lost the world is exactly how you are meant to feel and there is no way around it. Luckily, the pain in temporary.
In time you may look back and see it in a whole new light and be thankful. If you are really struggling dealing with a break up please reach and book a session. For more on relationship advice and info, subscribe below.
Love is love, this article may use female/male pronouns however the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities. #love #relationshipadvice #breakuphelp
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