This is a big decision. You will hurt yourself and your soon to be ex, and it will be painful for a while. If it doesnt hurt, then it is probably a sign that you checked out long ago.
If you are calling the break up you have had time to think about the break, the reasons for it and what you're feeling before you tell your partner. You are ahead in the process and should aim to show your good character, compassion and leave gracefully.
Don't behave like this.
If you feel anger, wait until you have calmed down to have the conversation. Do not act on impulse.
Tips on how to break up:
Keep the "we have to talk" statement until you are face to face, we all know as soon as those words leave our mouth the other party wants to know why ASAP, don't let anyone stew on that sentence longer than necassary, nor drive whilst upset. Save the full conversation for the face to face meeting.
If you are not sure about breaking up or only loosely committed to the idea - do not tell them its over unless you mean it.
Don't avoid him for a week then hit him with the single stick. Maintain balance, don't speak as often if you don't want to but do not go MIA.
End the relationship face to-face rather than by phone call or text. This really helps someone with the acceptance of the end.
Stay faithful, you are not broken up yet so do not commence any new conversations or dates until the relatonship has ended.
Think about how you would want to be treated in the same situation. Take responsibility for your decision and state why. Don't play a blame game, be considerate in ending the relationship.
Try to end things in a way that respects the other person. Honesty is best policy, thats why we all love real talk.
Be prepared to answer some questions to help them understand what is happening. Why do you wnat to break up? When did you start feeling this way? Are you 100% sure?
Think about any questions you may want to ask about anything that occured in the relationship, is there anything on your mind you want clarified before you part ways? Acceptance of the end is a 2 way street no matter who is ending it.
Avoid any hateful or abusive arguments or statements.
Don't ghost them at the very least send a clear text with no ambiguity saying that what you have is over and you dont want to continue (even if it was just a couple of dates).
Please do not use the line "it is not you, its me". It is not usually helpful.
Clearly state that the relationship is over and why. Understand that the other person is likely to be hurt and angry about your decision.
Comfort them after your conversation, give them a hug if appropriate however leave the conversation being sure of where you both stand.
As much as you may want to be polite and kind, do not try and make the other person feel better, don't comfort them or check in on them. Let them hurt and heal without you. It sounds brutal but its very much needed.
To heal a wound, you need to stop touching it.
As soon as the break up is said out loud, return all of the persons items like keys and clothes and grab yours too if you want them. If you have been staying at his house, dont take what isn't yours. When one of my friends was broken up with by his fiance, she took his things as she left him and it was just cruel and nasty and that is how we all remember her. Don't be that spiteful ex, leave with grace and good memories.
Address the business aspect of the end, promptly pay off any rent, financal obligations, furniture, etc fairly and timely. Walk away with your bags packed, thats right, take all your baggage with you. One of you will have a brain snap one day so it's best to leave no room for excuses with seeing each other.
Look forward, and only look back to think about lessons learned and areas of self improvement, welcome change in your routine and life.
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Love is love, this article may use female/male pronouns however the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.