HELP GUIDE: SELF ESTEEM
Self-Esteem
Esteem is defined as respect and admiration. Self-esteem is a person's overall sense of self-worth or personal value. It can be high or low or somewhere in between. It is what you feel about yourself, if you like yourself and value yourself. Your self-love, self-respect, your attitude towards yourself.
What is low Self-Esteem?
When a person thinks they have little value to offer other people and society. It is negative beliefs and negative thoughts about themselves. Deep down they believe they are not good enough. They may feel they can never get ahead no matter how hard they try or that they are not worthy of love.
Low self-esteem tends to be subconscious as it is created by our core beliefs. Usually life experiences are what impacts and shapes self-esteem.
People with low self-esteem likely overlook their strengths and focus on their weaknesses, perceived past mistakes and failures.
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This causes difficulties in setting boundaries, achieving goals and in relationships. Often people with low self-esteem are in problematic relationships, destructive relationships, make poor choices or not live up to their full potential.
Is It a Mental Disorder?
No and it can usually be self-recognised. It is common that people with low self-esteem also experience mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. That is because low moods may increase over time and result in possible depression.
What about Self Confidence?
This is different to self-esteem. Confidence is a feeling of trust in someone or something. It is how you feel about your abilities and can change in difference situations. To be self-confident is to have confidence in yourself.
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Example: I have healthy self-esteem and am self-confident in dancing in public however I have low confidence in lifting heavy weight at the gym. At the gym, I doubt my ability and have low confidence in myself. Get it? However, if I practiced, I will improve and increase my confidence in that situation.
What can cause low Self-Esteem?
It may be one or many life experiences combined such as:
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Comparing yourself to others too much including those on social media.
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Abuse. Including mental, emotional, physical and sexual.
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Unstable upbringing. Not feeling protected, safe or loved.
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Demanding environments. Including parents who were excessively demanding of you or school/work that causes you high stress.
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Unhealthy relationships. Platonic or intimate (romantic) which include being controlled, manipulated, belittled or often lied to.
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Lack of social support can cause loneliness and that can lower self-esteem.
Why does Self-Esteem matter?
It is important to increase low self-esteem to a higher level as this subconscious way of thinking about yourself impacts everything you do in life. It’s plays a leading part of your life, work and your relationships with others, particulary lovers. If left untreated you may find it hard to trust people which makes friendships and relationships difficult; it is harder to set boundaries and that leaves you open to developing co-dependency or be easily manipulated.
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If you do not see your own sense of value, you will let others treat you any way they choose and be less likely to walk away from a relationship that is not serving you positive purpose and meaning. That little voice in your head, talking to yourself is more powerful than you think, and you cannot escape it.
Boost your Self-Esteem
This can be done by a combination of the following:
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You do you – focus on yourself
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Daily positive affirmations – DO IT!
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Mindfulness- focus on the present
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Talk Therapy
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Identify & set goals
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Doing more of what you are good at
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Write down your values
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Doing more of what you enjoy
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Real talk - having open conversations
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Support Squad (+ friends)
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Learn to accept compliments
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Focus on what you can change
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Let go of negative people
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Take pride in your appearance – look good, feel good.
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Rename mistakes as lessons
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Quit waiting to take action
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Quit visualizing the worst-case scenario
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Talk to yourself the way you would your friends – you would not put them down and if you did, they wouldn’t be your friend anymore. Treat yourself the same way. Be kind to yourself.
Power in positivity
Practice daily affirmations. Tell yourself the same thing every single day and in time you believe it. There is a huge power in how you speak to yourself. Positive affirmations = positive mind = positive life.
“When you start seeing your worth, you will find it harder to be around people who don’t.”
Social Media impacts
You do you, boo! We are all scrolling social media and constantly seeing fit guys and girls, holidays, perfect make up, bodies, entrepreneurs, couples, families, big weddings, luxury items and houses etc. Reality check, people post their best moments not anything else. Just as they don’t know your journey, you do not know theirs so do not compare yourself to what you see online.
What to do for treatment
The best thing to do is book a session. Counselling & Psychotherapy can help you find out when the core beliefs of yourself were formed and identify best ways to increase self-esteem. Talk therapy, CBT and mindfulness are extremely useful in lifting self-esteem. I recommend CBT because of its focus on the way thoughts affect our actions and choices, and for its practical methods that help you manage negative thoughts.
